True Belonging

"Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance"

"This definition has withstood the test of time as well as the emergence of new data, but it is incomplete. There's much more to true belonging. Being ourselves means having the courage to stand alone, totally alone. Even as I wrote this, I still thought of belonging as requiring something external to us- something we secured by, yes, showing up in a real way, but needing an experience that always involved others. So as I dug deeper into true belonging, it became clear that it's not something we achieve or accomplish with others; it's something we carry in our heart. Once we belong thoroughly to ourselves and believe thoroughly in ourselves, true belonging is ours."

"Belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone- to brave the wilderness of uncertainty, vulnerability, and criticism. And with the world feeling like a political and ideological combat zone, this is remarkably tough. We seem to have forgotten that even when we're utterly alone, we're connected to one another by something greater than the group membership, politics, and ideology- that we're connected by love and human spirit. No matter how separated we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story. "

"I realized why we must sometimes stand alone in our decisions and beliefs despite our fear of criticism and rejection, the first image that came to me is the wilderness. Theologians, writers, poets, and musicians have always used the wilderness as a metaphor, to represent everything from a vast and dangerous environment where we are forced to navigate difficult trials to a refuge of nature and beauty where we seek space for contemplation. What all wilderness metaphors have in common are the notions of solitude, vulnerability, and an emotional, spiritual, or physical quest. "

"Belonging so fully to yourself that you're willing to stand alone is a wilderness- an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breath-taking, a place as sought after as it is feared. The wilderness can often feel unholy because we can't control it, or what people think about our choice of whether to venture into that vastness or not. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand. "

"The special courage it takes to experience true belonging is not just about braving the wilderness, it's about becoming the wilderness. It's about breaking down the walls, abandoning our ideological bunkers and living from our wild heart rather than a weary hurt."

"We're going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us. were going to have to sign up, join, and take a seat at the table. We're going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations, look for joy, share pain, and be more curious than defensive, all while seeking moments of togetherness."

"True belonging is not passive. It's not the belonging that comes with just joining a group It's not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it's safer. It's a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. We want true belonging, but it takes tremendous courage to knowingly walk into hard moments."

"True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are."

-Beginning of Ch.2 of Brene Brown's book, "Braving the Wilderness"

I was deeply moved by this excerpt from this book. I definitely recommend checking it out to hear more about Brene's research and discoveries in these topics. The idea of true belonging has been something I've struggled to navigate through my entire life, having a history of bullying, betrayal, abandonment, loneliness and invalidation. I've also never really felt like I've belonged anywhere or to anyone in particular but I know for a fact that it is not isolated from the challenges I have with my own self-acceptance; trusting, valuing and honouring myself. This is one of my 2020 goals- to be more brave, self-loving and accepting that it may sure as hell be lonely but that is okay. Home is in the heart.

Artwork by Witold Pruszkowski-Falling Star